'Tis the season for recruiting

**Part 2 of the 2-for-1 day!

by flickr user thinboyfatter

All of the prospective graduate students have come and gone from Big U for this year's Chemistry recruiting season. I saw the recruits in a completely new light this time. Granted, my exposure to recruits was limited as I wasn't allowed to host (wouldn't want the "bitter" grad student leaving with a Masters to say anything negative about the department), but I did interact with them at the poster session and a couple of the informal dinners.

I was struck by their naivety. Many expressed their desire to go the academic route, becoming a professor at a small college, and faithful readers will know how I feel about that. As soon as I heard this I wanted to start quoting stats as to the limited number of academic positions, the huge number of applicants, and therefore the low odds of getting that coveted spot. In general I wanted to warn them of the troubling job market for PhD chemists and the possibility that we just have too many PhDs. Did I tell them any of these things? Nope. I knew that my cautionary advice would fall on deaf ears, especially once they heard that I was leaving the program. I was in their shoes once, and I was so confident that I was different that I would have thought that those statistics didn't apply to me. No, instead I kept my mouth shut and hid behind the mask of a graduate student in good standing. I cringed and squirmed a little when they asked about the attrition rate and how many people quit with their Masters. Thankfully one of my close friends fielded the question and answered truthfully that people leave for all sorts of reasons. After all, six people have left from our class, and we all left for distinct reasons.

So readers, did I take the easy way out by staying silent? Do you think they would have heeded my advice? I believe that there really are some things people can only learn through experience, and by documenting my advice here the information will be available if they choose to go looking for it later.

The awkward interim period

**I've been a little too silent lately, so to make up for it today will be a 2-for-1 posting.

Today I wanted to comment on the awkward situation I find myself in after declaring that I will no longer pursue the PhD, but before I have actually left graduate school. This awkward interim period, at least from others in my situation that I have talked to, is fairly common. Many students agree to stick around at least through the end of the semester to wrap up projects. This helps advisors because projects are (hopefully) left in a state where a new grad student could pick them up and continue; it also benefits the student because they can continue earning a paycheck while they look for outside employment.

I was lucky in that I was in-between projects when I decided to leave, and since I explained to my advisor that I am leaving because I strongly dislike benchwork, they agreed to let me continue in other capacities. I have a TA position that pays most of my salary, and I offered to help with writing and editing manuscripts for our group as well as other lab manager-esque duties. This agreement has been satisfactory for both my advisor and myself (although I do find myself frequently bored and scrounging for something productive to do). The awkwardness comes from my labmates.

In the first few weeks after I said I was leaving people were still talkative, asking me how my job applications and interviews were going, but I slowly saw this change into something else. I'm not sure if it was resentment, jealousy, condescension, or just inconsideration, but suddenly whenever there was a tedious crap-job to do my labmates would ask me to do it. It was the way they asked me that really got under my skin: "Why don't you do ______ for me? It's not like you're doing anything else." Some of you will read this and say, "Yes Ms. MSmind, they have a point." They did have a point, but let me break it down for you: 1) Just because I wasn't sweating in lab doesn't mean I wasn't working; at the time I had several writing projects that I was finishing up for my advisor. 2) I was mostly rankled by the underlying assumption that their time was somehow more valuable than mine. I feel that if you take on responsibilities or make commitments to do something you should uphold that, not foist the work onto someone else. 3) Quite honestly, if they had approached me with a more ingratiating attitude and requested that I assist them instead of trying to shove it on me I probably would have helped.

by flickr user bazylek100

Now enough time has passed that I'm essentially forgotten about. With my close friends in the group, nothing has changed and we still chat like we did a year ago, but it seems like the most anyone else can say is "So do you have a job yet?" I understand that they have to move on and have many other things to concern themselves with, it's just strange to feel as though I've already been erased from the group. I knew it would happen eventually, I just didn't realize it would happen while I was still here. I'm sure almost everyone can relate to this, I've seen a similar thing happen to people in their 5th year as they write their thesis. Maybe I'm taking it too hard and trying to see evidence of the stigma where it's not actually being manifested.

Blast from the past: Personal Statement

Since I've made my decision to leave I have been actively seeking employment. In preparation for applications and interviews I have been going through old resumes and documents. I took a moment to read through the personal statement I used when applying to grad schools. I chuckled at my naivety and idealism and cringed a little at the cuteness of my closing paragraph. Here it is for your enjoyment, with a few minor alternations (*) to preserve my anonymity.

Science has captivated me for as long as I can remember, and I fondly recall watching “Bill Nye the Science Guy” in Mrs. Jones'* fourth grade classroom. Nye's joy and wonder jump-started my own passion for math and science. Upon discovering chemistry, I found the complexity of intrigue and challenge that could sate my ever-growing curiosity. The satisfaction felt when I gain a deeper understanding of chemistry matches only my desire to learn more. Not just an intellectual exercise or potential source of income, chemistry is one of my greatest passions.

Last year I participated in the National Meeting of the American Chemical Society in Chicago, IL. It was inspiring to see 14,605 people disclosing new developments in areas like nanotechnology and sustainability. I made a small contribution by presenting a poster on the ACS Student Affiliates Chapter from Little College*. Back in Smallville*, I contribute to the field by organizing and performing chemical demonstrations with the other student affiliates for the local fifth grade class. The kids cheer while we spray methanol-salt solutions into a flame to see their blue, green, yellow, or purple emission spectra, and we explain that the same compounds are found in the fireworks they watch on the Fourth of July. I hope the excitement I provide them during these moments stays with them, just as Bill Nye's stayed with me.

I believe that the true value of science is in the lives it can benefit. My favorite presentation at the ACS National Meeting was by Arup SenGupta, who developed economically feasible, renewable filters to remove arsenic from drinking water in Bangladesh. Norman Borlaug, one of my personal heroes, fed millions through his development of several semi-dwarf, high-yield, disease-resistant wheat varieties. SenGupta and Borlaug both reinforce my belief that a scientist should not hide away in the lab; a scientist should take her research where it will be of the most use in the world.

I am interested in conducting any research that has a clear benefit for humanity. Discovering the intricacies of protein structure and activity in relation to Alzheimer's, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, or cancer is appealing both for the science and its application. Similarly, I am interested in medicinal chemistry; synthesizing analogs of natural products that have potential therapeutic value or attempting to design a new drug from scratch would be an exciting challenge. After earning a PhD in biological or organic chemistry, I hope to join the faculty at a small liberal arts college where I can be an involved mentor for my students and continue health-related research.

Ultimately what you get out of life depends on the effort you put into it. Thomas Edison said it simply, “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” I know the key to my current success is a strong work ethic and the determination to finish what I start. Graduate school may be the greasiest pair of overalls I have ever seen, but getting a little dirty is a tiny sacrifice in exchange for the ability to improve the world.

Have any of you current graduate students looked back at your personal statement? Do you also see it in a new, skeptical light?

Cautionary tales for those considering a PhD in chemistry

As I began considering leaving graduate school more seriously, I started looking around online to see what sorts of jobs were available to holders of a PhD versus a MS. I ran into a fascinating debate that has continued to grow in popularity on whether or not we (as a society) are producing too many PhDs in the sciences.

by flickr user srqpix

If you are an undergraduate currently considering attending a chemistry graduate program, you should definitely read these articles. It's important to understand that the job market won't be easy when you complete your degree. In fact some people are predicting that it will continue to worsen as Pharma consolidates and continues to announce lay-offs.

If you are currently a first or second year in a chemistry PhD program you should also read these articles. The are very sobering and provide important facts for your consideration as you advance in your education and consider your future career.

• Doctoral Dilemma: Is chemistry facing a glut of Ph.D.s? by Bethany Halford at C&EN

The most recent article I've come across. This one is excellent because it provides a lot of relevant statistics to support some of their speculation.

• The Future of Chemistry Jobs roundtable. 

The link goes to the summary page for the four part roundtable, and links to the individual articles are in the first paragraph. 

• The Real Science Gap. A Miller-McCune cover story. 

The first article I read on this issue. It discusses science PhDs in general and not just those in chemistry. I didn't agree with everything, but it raises some good points.

The blogosphere seems to be running with this story. Have you noticed any other well-supported arguments either for or against this idea of "too many PhDs"?

It's called re-search for a reason

by flickr user Okko Pyykkö

I hope no one misunderstands my rantings against graduate school. I believe that scientific research is incredibly valuable and immeasurably necessary for the advancement of our society. I just wish students were better prepared for it and that the support system was something better than "sink or swim". Research can be shockingly frustrating for young graduate students, even if they have been exposed to it as an undergraduate at their institution or through REU programs. The most difficult part of research for a young scientist is the way it assaults your ego. You pour yourself into a problem, taking what has already been reported in the literature and trying to extrapolate it in the hopes of reporting a new insight. It's hard not to take it personally when your best effort fails and you have to start over from square one.

At first I struggled with my damaged ego, but I came to accept that I couldn't know everything and every result, whether positive or negative, could tell me a little bit more about my system. I joined a chemical biology research group, and was excited to learn new techniques and strategies since I had little prior biochemical experience. This excitement lasted through the first year and a half until I started to feel that regardless of what I discovered it wouldn't do much to change the world. (In my personal statement for my grad school application I was sure that I could change the world, cure cancer and world hunger, all in the course of a 5 year graduate program.) This is also a difficult realization. As young students and even as a member of the general public, we view science from the leaps it takes and we rarely hear about the baby steps that constitute the majority of research efforts.

As I became comfortable with the new biochemical techniques and the literature surrounding my project, my enthusiasm started to wane. I liked discussing my work with people, I just didn't like doing the work at my bench. I found myself again questioning whether grad school was the right place for me, just as I had when classes were the most difficult my first year. In the end I quieted my doubts and persevered onward. I felt like leaving graduate school would be an admission of defeat, and I had never quit anything in my life. I just had to suck it up and hang in there a few more years, then I could have my dream job as a professor at a small liberal art school....

The problems began

by flickr user david55king

The first year of graduate school is difficult, I think that's something that crosses disciplines. You move to a new city where you don't know anyone, you're intimidated by the other students in your incoming class (obviously they have everything figured out and are 10 times more prepared for classes than you are, probably have higher IQs), and you quickly learn that the mentor-student relationships you had with faculty as an undergrad (if you came from a small school) just won't happen here. In the chemistry PhD program at Big Deal U during your first semester you will be thrown into tough courses, TAing, and you will have to pick a research advisor and convince them to take you on as a student. Under the crushing weight of all of these responsibilities you should also try to make some friends so you can try to preserve your sanity together. Is it any surprise that many graduate students take up drinking as a hobby? Most often during our first year when we needed to blow off steam, like after an especially difficult exam, my class would be found sharing pitchers at a local bar.

There are the over-achievers who spend every waking moment studying and manage to get 80% on an exam where the class average is 50%, and still think they aren't doing well enough. And the students who get 50% on the exam struggle with depression and identity crises; once the superstars of their courses as an undergrad they have become average. Despite the low exam score everyone in the course will get a "B" because "B's get degrees". You have to maintain at least a 3.0 average in most graduate programs.

Then there's the courtship involved in finding a research advisor. Be prepared to spend lots of time in meetings with senior graduate students and make sure you convince the advisor that they are your first choice to take to the prom. Hopefully you put in enough face-time to convince them and their group that you would be an excellent addition, but professors have their own agendas and they want to make sure they get the best students. I quickly became frustrated with the politics of this situation, and hated that I felt the need to carefully guard my opinions and feelings from everyone.

I spent a lot of time that first year feeling angry and depressed. (Based on conversations with my friends and classmates I was not a unique case.) Once classes were over and I engaged more fully in the new challenge of research in my new research group, I started to feel a little better. I told myself that the hardest part was over and things would be easier. I was one step closer to my dream of being a chemistry professor...

How I got here

by flickr user Schlüsselbein2007

As I mulled over the decision on whether to leave grad school or not, I started thinking about what led me to grad school in the first place. During my senior year of college, as I prepared to graduate with a BA in Chemistry, I knew two things: 1) I didn't want to be stuck at a bench doing menial labwork and 2) being a professor was the only other option I knew about. I enjoyed teaching, and I wanted to teach the more "mature" students at the college level as opposed to high school students.

The chemistry faculty at my small liberal arts college had been impressed by my teaching ability and the research I had done for them over the summers, and they strongly encouraged me to attend graduate school. I was completely naive as to what graduate school entailed, but when I learned I would be paid a salary to get an education I thought it would be foolish not to go.

Now, as I look back it's easy to wish that someone would have advised me better, that if they'd only warned me of the daunting task before me I could have saved myself a lot of grief. But I know that I was also incredibly determined and stubborn, and I would not have heeded the warning. In the end I learned a lot about myself, and I don't think I would have learned it any other way. Still I hope that through this blog I can give courage to other students who find themselves depressed and miserable in graduate school so they know that they can make a change for themselves too.

A new journey

by flickr user Taras Kalapun

As I advanced through graduate school assailed by doubts, I turned to the blog-o-sphere for advice and accounts of people in the same situation. I saw many blogs written by other PhD students in the sciences, detailing their daily frustrations with graduate school life and it helped me realize I was not alone.

After carefully weighing the evidence in my own life, I have decided to leave graduate school with my MS degree. I realized that I had not come across a single blog by someone in my current situation and thought this viewpoint, of someone who chose to leave, was just as vital as those who completed their PhD studies.

In this blog I hope to describe what led me to graduate school, what I learned while I was there, why I decided to leave, and the variety of alternative science careers that are available. I hope you will join me on this journey.